As a two-time attendee of Electric Zoo, I’ve seen some pretty wild things. Wild costumes, bizarre dance moves, and drunken mishaps are just the tip of the iceberg. Today, I’m documenting all of the crazy things I see at this festival.

Stay tuned as I update you live from Randall’s Island, NY.

Day 1: Friday September 4th

1:48pm It’s only just past lunchtime and I’ve already seen one too many girls in their underwear. Please send help.

3:26pm I was about to tell you guys that the animals here seem to be tame for now, but it seems I spoke too soon. As soon as I turned around, I saw a girl who had ripped her wig off and began using it as a prop to dance with.

3:57pm Some people do the cha cha. Some people do the two step. This girl does backwards somersaults down the dancefloor. Huh.

4:15pm There’s some sort of nightmare-inducing parade of patrons inside of gigantic zebras. Totally awesome.

5:35pm I cannot emphasize this enough: So. Many. Buttcheeks.

6:38pm A ton of people are dressed as Thing 1 and Thing 2. In fact, there are so many that it makes me wonder if someone forgot to tell me something.

8:10pm There’s always someone dressed as Santa at these things. I finally found E Zoo’s Santa. A Merry E Zoo to all and to all a good night (not yet really but I couldn’t help myself)!

Day 2: Saturday September 5th

4:53pm Though crowded, the zoo is tame for now. Emphasis on “for now.”

4:59pm I spoke too soon. Just witnessed a guy unplug a string of lights and plug his phone charger into it. I don’t think it worked.

6:09pm A grown man just walked up to one of the monkey sculptures and put a pair of sunglasses on it and walked away. He didn’t do it for a picture or anything, he was just concerned about the monkey’s eyesight.

6:49pm Red alert! Some guy just got into a life sized cage (part of the interactive sculptures at E Zoo), knocked it backwards into a ditch, and tipped the whole thing over.

10:05pm I’m all for expressing yourself however you want, but when your hair becomes a weapon, I’m gonna have to ask you to refrain from whipping your hair back and forth. RIP to those poor souls who were victims of the Willow Smith Wannabe of Electric Zoo.

Day 3: Sunday September 6th

4:42pm Seems like quite a few animals have escaped the Zoo. All is quiet so far but if yesterday is any indication, I’ve probably already spoke too soon.

5:00pm I know what you’re thinking, but nothing crazy has happened yet (that I’ve seen). Just wanted to make a note that the Treehouse Stage is especially dusty today. If you’re headed this way, please protect your eyes. It seems somebody forgot to water the lawn.

7:10pm Still no strange sightings. Electric Zoo, you’re disappointing my fans (all zero of you)! Get these animals drunk so they can entertain us! Wake up, sleepy animals! Time to roam!

7:17pm Warning: this entry talks about sexual harassment! I can’t believe I jinxed myself again by speaking too soon. As I was enjoying my dinner, I was tapped on the shoulder by a gentleman who proceeded to point at me then make oral sex gestures, as if he were asking me to give him a blowjob. Please keep it classy, animals!

9:05pm Spotted: a man rubbing his face against a low-hanging tree branch to the beat of the music.

Performers Mentioned In This Article