Mariah Carey’s “All I Want For Christmas Is You” IS Christmas in a nutshell. I’m Jewish; by default, I lack winter spirit and dread the possibility that a silver fox sugar daddy named Santa exists. This savage season, Black Tiger Sex Machine‘s Kannibalen Records stuffs our stockings with the All I Want For Christmas Is Bass five-track compilation.

YOOKiE’s “SUBS” is an eerie sophisticated cadence that evokes visuals of a beatboxer perfecting his craft while slugs are slowly crawling up a chipped paint wall. Jayceeoh, Holly and Brewski’s idiosyncratic party ditty “Every Night” impressed me; that was until I noticed talentless, frat boy Brewski’s name scrolling across Spotify’s interface. Stick to Niykee Heaton, bro.

KARLUV KLUB’s “Love Addicted” transports listeners to “the red room of pain” with climatic S&M pulsations. Fed-Up invented a new and improved Major Lazer-influenced single “Up D Ladda” infused with dubby wub reggaeton. Kedzie closes the mix with “Unicorn” a folklore Fantasia banger. Why stick to Christmas classic “Little Drummer Boy” when All I Want For Christmas Is Bass is sweeter than the honey on your ham?

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