“The next stop will be Ogilvie Transportation Center” announced a conductor. This Union Pacific Northwest Metra train came to a screeching halt. Frazzled, I scrambled out the building’s revolving door. Don’t miss Alison Wonderland. Don’t miss Alison Wonderland. I spotted two chicks sporting modern raver garb, waiting for an Uber with unidentifiable mixed drinks in hand. “You’re going to Adams-Medill Park, right? I’ll spot you $3 for a ride,” I inquired. Their names were Zanetka and Diana. Ice blue glitter lined D’s chocolate chip eyes. We rode together in an unapologetically filthy, mid-size vehicle until Getter‘s bass blared and cops blocked Loomis street. Instagram accounts were exchanged before approaching will call.

Tchami’s 2015 Marshall Jefferson tribute, “Move Your Body,” enticed equinox stage shufflers. Kitty-corner from the stained glass graphics and “Freak Out” carnival ride, Steve Aoki put on Avicii‘s “Fade Into Darkness.” Oliver Heldens‘ crowd dissipated after his rendition of the Dizzee Rascal/Armand Van Helden banger “Bonkers”; many concertgoers closed out day one with either Zeds Dead or Tiësto. Instead, I watched Destructo cover Skrillex and Habstrakt‘s  “Chicken Soup” under the Heldeep tent. Gary Richards always delivers.

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Black Tiger Sex Machine performed their boisterous YOOKiE collaboration, “Lions,” bringing a dose of darkness to an otherwise sunbeamy Saturday. A passerby chattered about Ganja White Night and Flux Pavilion‘s stupefying shows, as I prematurely exited those muddied grounds. Nausea hit me like a ton of bricks. Was it a punishment for nursing my Irish coffee?

Corona Electric Beach National DJ Contest champion Birthdayy Partyy set Sunday’s tone at 3:05 p.m., storming on stage in matching “It’s Always Someone’s Birthday” bomber jackets, inciting infinite smiles. Throughout JOYRYDE‘s slot, his supercharged execution remained unchanged. His poorly transitioned “This is America” adaptation was my only opposition.

You can say Porter Robinson‘s DJ set more so resembled his “Say My Name” years, quite a contrast from my vivid imagination: Sanrio cartoon characters defying gravity by hovering over pillowy clouds, while “Shelter” plays on repeat. White middle fingers adorned deadmau5‘s programmed cube 2.1, while he mocked Kaskade’s hippie-dippie lifestyle. Ultimately, deadmau5’s Joel Zimmerman presented audience members with the greatest gift of all – prime grade trolling.

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